Last post I spoke about an excellent article on thought holes from Renne Jain’s article in Edutopia. Ok so the fancy term is ‘cognitive distortion’, but try engaging a group of tweens with that as an opener. The point is that we all fall into mental traps that make it easier to avoid solutions to challenging situations. In simple terms, we replace thinking with feeling.
If you see that your tween is stuck in a thought hole, here are some guiding questions to help them challenge the thought, and move from a place of feeling to a place of more objective thinking.
Identify; what thought hole are you in right now?
Where are you on the thinking _____ feeling spectrum?
Could this be causing you to exaggerate or emphasize parts of this situation?
If this was happening to someone else, would you see the situation differently? Explain
What advice would you give this person?
Thank you so much that was very clear and i got the picture now.. love your posts they help me alot.
Hi dedezoubi,
Thank you for your question. The answer really depends on your child. Are they likely to ask for advice or tell you that they are struggling, or do you think you will need to prompt them? Sometimes it’s easier to bring it up in conversation casually when there is no immediate issue. “Hey have you ever noticed that... “ or “sometimes when I am upset I notice that I...”. That way when you see them having a hard time and bring it up they already have a frame of reference, and are hopefully more open to talking about it.
Can you please help me and give me an idea about the approach it's self.. as what should I do? Talk to my child in private or let her and ask those questions?